The Cohort Behind the Cohort: 5 Things I Learned About the People Who Support Us in Grad School- Estella Roster

        When I moved to Pittsburgh to start genetic counseling graduate school, I wasn’t the only one whose life changed. My partner packed up his life and came here with me (and our cats had to endure the cross-country road trip). This wasn’t the first time he had relocated to support my career ambitions, and as I have settled into the program, I started thinking about what this experience has been like from his perspective.

          The graduate school experience is something we talk about a lot as students—but what about all the people who support us through it? Curious about their perspectives, I sent out a short survey to my classmates and their partners to learn more. Here are the 5 main things I learned:

1.        Nobody really knows what they’re signing up for

            One of the questions I asked partners was how well they understood what genetic counseling graduate school would be like before their partner started the program. Most partners reported a relatively low understanding of GC school before it began. However, when asked how well they understood the workload and responsibilities now, nearly all reported a much better understanding.

            This result highlights just how difficult GC school can be to explain. Many of us have learned to describe genetic counseling—and our unique graduate school experience—over and over again. For our partners, the time commitments of clinic and coursework, the emotional labor that comes with this profession, and the unpredictability of our schedules aren't always obvious until they're living alongside someone in the program.

2.        Partners end up in grad school too (sort of)

            While our partners may not get Pitt student IDs or Canvas logins, many end up adapting their lives alongside us. For my relationship, our household dynamics shifted—my partner became the primary financial provider, while I have focused on school and took on more responsibilities at home.  

            Many survey respondents reported similar changes. Partners described adjustments related to relocation, finances, household responsibilities, and generally having less quality time available with their partners. 

            While many of us reported spending less time with our partners, Pittsburgh has no shortage of ways to make that time meaningful—we can go to movies at the Manor, attempt karaoke at Tequila Cowboy, or simply enjoying each other’s company at home on the weekends by playing Stardew Valley and listening to new music. We've learned to make the most of the time we have together.

3.        Understanding the schedule isn’t the same as understanding the experience

            At the end of the survey, I asked GC students if there was anything that they wished their partner understood better about our experiences. Many people commented on the weight of clinic stress, the psychosocial burdens of a counseling career, and the mental load of remembering all of our genetic conditions and management guidelines while still juggling what we need from the grocery store this week or keeping up with car maintenance. The mental load is substantial, and we often rely on our partners and our classmates to help keep us afloat.

            At the same time, our partners carry burdens of their own. One GC student shared that they feel like they can get so focused on clinic responsibilities that they forget their partner is carrying their own challenges too. I’ve dealt with this in my relationship too—since life has become a seemingly never-ending cycle of deadlines and clinic prep, it can be easy to stay focused on what needs to get done next. But I’ve found that it’s just as important to check in with our partners too. We carry each other. 

4.        Most relationships actually got stronger

            This wasn’t the result I expected to get from the survey. I thought that perhaps the stress of clinic and having less time together would put more strain on our relationships. Instead, 5/7 partners reported that their relationships have actually become stronger since starting grad school. Interestingly, partners tended to view the impact on their relationship more positively than the students themselves did. 

            When I asked partners about the positive aspects of having a partner in the program, respondents frequently reported feeling a sense of pride in their partner, having their own personal growth, and creating shared goals with their partner.  This goes to show grad school does more than train a student to be a genetic counselor. It can also encourage growth in those who support us and may even strengthen our relationships too.

5.        Support comes in many forms

            Although this survey focused on partners, not everyone enters graduate school with a partner, and not everyone relies on the same kinds of support systems.

            One cohort-mate of mine shared that ending a relationship before graduate school ultimately helped her develop a stronger sense of independence and encouraged her to build up friendships within our program and outside of it. Her experience reminded me that there isn’t a single “right” way to navigate grad school.

            Personally, one of the most meaningful parts of this experience has been the kinship I’ve found within my cohort. Before grad school, I did not know many people who knew what genetic counseling was, let alone the application process or what the training experience looked like. Now, I have classmates who understand exactly what I’m going through, and that shared experience has created friendships that I’m sure will extend beyond the program. No matter who you come to school with or if you arrive on your own, you won’t go through it alone.

 Conclusion

            Graduate school changes more than the lives of the students within the program—our partners, friends, and other supports adapt right alongside with us. They celebrate our successes, help us through stressful weeks, and remind us who we are outside of school.

            When I reviewed survey responses, one comment stood out to me more than any one statistic: “I wish my partner understood how grateful I am for them.”

            After a year of classes and now a month of rotations, I think that sentiment captures exactly what I want to say. To all the partners, family members, and supporters who have made graduate school possible and worthwhile: thank you, and we love you.