Show, Don't Tell: Empathy in Practice - Alex Stauff

Many of the skills I learned as a resident assistant (RA) have been helpful so far in grad school. A lesson that has really stuck with me came from a three minute video (link below) we watched during one of our summer training sessions. It was an animated short on empathy, with delightful anthropomorphic animals and a voiceover by Brené Brown.

In her words, “Rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better is connection.”

This little clip assuaged so much of the anxiety I had about supporting students through a difficult time. Fears like—what if I say the wrong thing? What if the other person can’t tell that I genuinely care?  

Words certainly matter, especially in a field like genetic counseling, where precision in language is critical. But without connection, words roll off like rain. There’s nothing anchoring them.

To me, connection means first and foremost: presence. This feels like an achievable starting point, requiring nothing more than focusing on the person in front of you. No matter how a conversation unfolds, I can be present.

Dr. Vellody, director of the Down Syndrome Center of Western PA, gave a really beautiful example of emotionally responsive communication in a lecture to first year students last semester.

We asked for advice about disclosing a Down syndrome diagnosis in the prenatal setting. I think many of my classmates and I were getting hung up on choosing the right words.

But Dr. Vellody’s focus didn’t start with the words. He said, provide the diagnosis, and then wait for an emotion to come up. Validate it. Wait for another emotion … validate it …. And keep doing this until a person is ready to talk about anything other than how they feel.

When I started my position as a GCA at Magee-Womens Hospital, I was able to sit in on weekly case conferences. This was a really helpful way to “peek behind the curtain” and start getting a feel for clinical and psychosocial considerations before I applied to school. I remember one particular situation a student shared, and the advice she got …

This student and her supervisor recently saw a patient who was newly diagnosed with breast cancer. The patient was extremely upset throughout the session and finally burst out at the student, “Have YOU ever had cancer?! Has anyone in your family even had cancer? Then, how can you have ANY idea what you’re talking about?” The student was distraught and had been at a loss for what to say – she posed the question to the group.

Truthfully, I was glad to be a fly on the wall during the discussion. It feels awful when someone’s anger feels—fairly or unfairly – directed at us. It can be so easy to slip into deflections and defensiveness.     

A seasoned nurse navigator gave advice that immediately reminded me of that short video I love so much.

She said, “You’re young, but I bet you’ve felt fear, or grief. And if you haven’t – you will. Those are likely some of the emotions underlying this woman’s anger. Acknowledge them and connect to those.”

I’m planning to keep that invitation to vulnerability and openness at the front of my mind as I prepare for patient simulations later this semester, and oh-so-quickly approaching rotations this summer.

Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw