November 14, 2014 - this is a day
that will forever be ingrained in my mind. You see, this day was when my
parents, two brothers and I flew from our war-torn homeland in Syria as
refugees, to our new home in Pennsylvania. Waving goodbye to everything that had
been familiar to me, and hugging everyone that I had known and loved was
overwhelming to say the least. I remember that as the airplane tires touched
down at Pittsburgh International Airport and we taxied to our gate, I began to
have that sensation of a pit in my stomach. I had so much fear of all the new
and unknown things coming my way. Leaving the comfort of the stone buildings
and working in my family’s restaurant in Syria, driving to our new home, and
seeing these large trees, residential neighborhoods was a stark change in my
reality. This theme of change was inevitable at that point in my life. Looking
back now, I am immensely grateful for the opportunity to be where I am today,
yet I would be lying if this did not come with challenges. I would call this
the “snow season” of my life because it honestly was a blur. Like the snow
screen on a television, I was trying to assimilate into a new culture, a home,
and a largely unfamiliar language. In some respects, I think my journey in
graduate school can be applied to this. We are constantly learning about the
culture of empathic patient centered care, doing so at our new home (The
University of Pittsburgh, Go Panthers!) and yes, even learning all new diseases
and genetic concepts that can feel like a new language. Through all of these
changes, I continued to reflect on myself, finding that I had that pit in my
stomach similar to when that plane landed at PIT. Did I know what this
sensation of a pit in my stomach was…no. It took intense self-reflection to realize
that I was anxious and in fact, burnout as these new expectations that were set
before. I truly felt mentally exhausted and overwhelmed, as if one more task
would be too much to bear. Trying to master the numerous PowerPoints,
understand the brand new concepts, all while building consistent and empathic
patient interviewing skills, this took its toll on me both mentally and
physically. I found myself sitting in front of my cherrywood desk in my
apartment, staring at my computer screen asking myself if this was all worth
it?
With my negative self-talk and the
toll that this was taking on my health, I knew it was unacceptable, yet I did
not know how to fix this myself. As I continue to reflect, I first realized
that I did not know what exactly mental health was. Additionally, I did not
know how to articulate exactly how I was feeling. Yes, mental health is a term
that we all have heard multiple times in presentations and trendy online posts
about improving this, but what does it boil down to? What is and isn’t anxiety,
burnout, and depression? More importantly, what can I do to help myself get to
a state in which I can healthfully operate? In my view, this is not a one size
fits all solution. Someone won’t come around, wave their magic wand and deem me
cured. I realized that this is going to take work and support from others. What
I am going to share is my own personal reflection, and my hope is that this
will inspire you to take stock in what is your own mental health with ideas on
how to improve this.
As I continue along my period of
lifelong self-discovery of my own mental health, I have found that it is
important to realize that the solution to positive mental health is not a
straight line. There are many hills and valleys that have culminated into my
inner strength and desire to rebuild my positivity and confidence to help get
to where I am today. Much like a recipe takes multiple ingredients, trial runs
and yes even multiple taste tests before it comes together, I would like to
share some of the ingredients that have helped me have a more positive outlook
on my own mental health. When I started graduate school, I found myself
overwhelmed by the sheer volume of new things. If I am being completely honest
with myself and my viewers, I let the fear of the unknown consume me. There
would be times that I would sit at my same cherry wood desk with my laptop
open, asking myself, “Am I capable of doing this?” This negative self-talk went
on for several weeks until my loved ones (mainly my amazing fiancée) realized
that I needed help. Through some self-discovery, I decided that I was going to
establish boundaries that work for me, so that I am able to set time aside for
myself to help achieve a fulfilling life outside of graduate school. I decided
that each day, I was going to do something small for myself, something that I
personally enjoy and brings a positive point of enjoyment to the day. For me,
these include cooking and exercising, as I strongly believe that physical and
mental health are interconnected in the intricate web that have helped me get
through those hills and valleys. Setting aside forty-five minutes daily to go
on a run or taking a walk with my friends, helps me clear my headspace and
promote my overall wellness. In regard to my schoolwork, I decided that I would
make a manageable to-do list for each day. I also have the expectation that
yes, life gets in the way and it is okay not to complete every item, as
tomorrow’s to-do list can absorb today’s. Taking the tasks of my day in
chewable bites is something that has positively improved my outlook on graduate
school overall. Outside of my personal resources, I found it important to look
outside of myself for inspiration. I looked at my peers and mentors to lean on
during the especially trying times. Having those frank conversations with my
cohort and going through the same experiences provides a unique opportunity to
support and learn from each other.
In closing, a big picture thought
that has helped me on the journey through graduate school has been always
reflecting back on my reason “Why?”. Why did I choose to pursue becoming a
genetic counselor? In short, I became a genetic counselor to help patients and
their families through what will be one of the most difficult and uncertain
times in their lives. I have the immense opportunity to be in this country, in
a graduate program in a field that I love surrounded by supportive friends and
family. I am incredibly grateful for the inner strength that my story has given
me. I want to be that person who can sit with a patient and their family to
help them truly understand what condition they are diagnosed with and what
options there are available. In life, when we are given circumstances that are
challenging, I choose to now look at these as opportunities. My reason “Why?”
can translate seamlessly into my opportunity for improvement in my own mental
health and the health of those around me. The strategies I listed above are the
tip of the iceberg, and I hope that they give you inspiration to take stock in
how you can improve your own mental and physical health. I encourage each of
you to facilitate more discussion that can bring about positive, meaningful
change to improve mental health services and reduce the stigma for all. In
fact, I urge you to continue fighting the stigma surrounding mental health
concerns. In our profession, it is vital that, as genetic counselors, we are
best equipped to help our patients and their families find the best solution to
an oftentimes challenging diagnosis. To do this with the highest efficacy and
empathy, we must first take care of ourselves. After all, the field of medicine
is not a one size fits all domain, so our own mental and physical health
shouldn’t be either.
